i find the boy in glitter. i find the way that my skin has changed over years, and just within the last month. the lines beside my eyes. the way my jaw has set and decided to hold fast to its silouette.
we sat in a treehouse; you, e, and i; hidden from everyone except the few determined to find us. i realized how i’d missed you. then, home again, we sat on our front porch and my fingers held your toes encased in footie pajamas. again, i’d missed you. you felt solid in my hands.
and now. in bed and smiling over internet interactions. silly and just what i need for a night like this. the wind howling outside. i turn my music off and hear silence. try to listen to silence. in these moments of corners of lips turning upwards, of blood rushing to body parts, it is easier.
i find the boy in moments i don’t expect. in a sweep of eyeliner. in the thumbnail painted in purple. in every place the boy was told not to exist. in the excitement of a red toolbox opening to someone new. i find him. coax him out with the promise of ferocity, of breathless challenge, of tangibility of flesh. coax him with $20 checks written to professionals who promise to guide me, with solidity of needles, with avowal of a future we will have together.
the power has gone out. the wind took technology from us and left 13% battery power to keep my words warm.
